Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Stone That Sings, Chapter 1 Revision

Chapter 1, Rev 2

The Stone That Sings isn't exactly in first draft, though parts of it are. I tend to write in waves, where I write Chapter 1, then write Chapter 2, then revise Chapter 1 -- This is the process that got the first five chapters on Scribophile.

But now that I've created the first draft, I'm on the second full draft. Things I learned in the first draft by completing it all the way to the end can now be added.

So what did I learn?

I learned that P'nem, Danek, and Lorot are members of a Syrrannite enclave on Vulcan. This makes them different from Vulcan standards, but also held in high regard -- they tend to be the moral conscience of the Vulcan people -- whether they are wanted or not. If it sounds like that might make them scolds, you are right. All this technology and such causing 'deviations' in the Way of Kolinahr, which is why they remain in the desert, even if the desert plays havoc with higher technologies.

I also learned that I wanted to put the scene in the introduction somewhere else. Its a growing part of the relationship between Surot and Juliette, and doesn't serve as much of an introduction.

The stakes needed to be brought in sooner. Readers got confused as to Juliette's condition and why it was important to her, and so I made revisions to make the stakes, and Juliette's situation, clearer.

The other improvement I tried was to get closer to Juliette, trying some techniques for achieving a close point of view. I'll leave the readers to figure out if it worked or not.

I bring in a mention of Juliette's matron having more than one consort in sooner. This was something I wrestled with in the first draft, and then realized I was wimping out. So I went with it, and in this edit, I try to bring that fact in sooner as a common part of Betazoid life.

I'm open to any thoughts, of course. 

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